After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
