I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
