Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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