I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
