Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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