Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
