Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
His nipple licking is glorious
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