loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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