onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
