I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
