I just pynch a tree in the face
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
