okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
