i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
