You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
