There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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