does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
