i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
