So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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