Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
