Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
