but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
