I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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