My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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