Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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