thus making me awesome and them whores
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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