Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
