He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
