She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
