8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
