I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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