and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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