How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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