fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
