Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
