if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it hurts more in the daytime
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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