Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
