i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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