Fine. I'll sleep in my office
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
