OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
