apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
