I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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