I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize