I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
