that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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