swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
