i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
