Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
