I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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