Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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