u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it was like eating out sand paper
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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