have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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