Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
