My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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