Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
