I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
