we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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