yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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