i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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