Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
