He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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