this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
