What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
