just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...