I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
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I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home