Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.