she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas