He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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