i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
