I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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