Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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