Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
