either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
