I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
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Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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