I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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