also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
