Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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