dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
