And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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