EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
