You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize