genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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