y did u give ur computer a hand job?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
be right there i have to get my cape
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
